Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?
Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?
Come on up and see me urchins.
Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.
I’d love to drop anchor in your lagoon.
Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your porthole?
How’d you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?
Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.
Well blow me down?
Prepare to be boarded.
They don’t call me Long John because my head is so big.
You’re drinking a Salty Dog? How’d you like to try the real thing?
Wanna shiver me timbers?
I’ve sailed the seven seas, and you’re the sleekest schooner I’ve ever sighted.
Brwaack! Polly want a cracker? … Oh, wait. That’s for Talk Like a PARROT Day.
That’s the finest pirate booty I’ve ever laid eyes on.
Let’s get together and haul some keel.
That’s some treasure chest you’ve got there.
What are YOU doing here?
Is that a belayin’ pin in yer britches, or are ye … (this one is never completed)
Come show me how ye bury yer treasure, lad!
So, tell me, why do they call ye, “Cap’n Feathersword?”
That’s quite a cutlass ye got thar, what ye need is a good scabbard!
Aye, I guarantee ye, I’ve had a twenty percent decrease in me “lice ratio!”
I’ve crushed seventeen men’s skulls between me thighs!
C’mon, lad, shiver me timbers!
RAMMING SPEED!
You. Pants Off. Now!
“I must be huntin’ treasure, ’cause I’m diggin’ yer chest.”
“You’re just the tasty wench I’ve been keeping me eye out for!”
“Hey, sexy — how about a Jolly Rogering?”
“Ya certainly put the shiver in me timber.”
“See this hook? Variable speed with five alternate attachments, Baby.”
“WOW! I bet we could fit SIXteen men on that chest!”
“Me skull and crossbones arn’t the only thing I plan on raisin’ tonight.”
“Do ya mind if the parrot watches?”
“Nice poop deck on ya, lassie. Care fer a swabbin’?”
“Avast, me pretty! Strike your panties and prepare to be boarded.”
“So you’re the new cabin boy, eh?”
“Do you have the latest copy of Windows XP with cracked product activation?” (software pirates only)
“Yo, ho! Bottle of rum?”
“Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre you free on Saturday?”
“Is there an ‘X’ on the seat of your pants? Because it appears that there’s wond’rous booty buried underneath!”
“Would ye like teh find out why they call me Redbeard?”
“Come on over and see how long my yardarm is.”
“Who lives in a pinapple under the sea?”
“Lots of pirates have peg legs, but I went with sillicone for the soft touch and ease of disinfecting…”
“Prepare to be boarded!”
“Wanna shiver me timbers?”
“Storm the poopdeck!”
“D00D! G0t s0m3 L33T W@R3Z?”
“Me parrot’s a tantric youga master.”
“I’ve got an extra-long ramrod.”
“Are you into rough sex? They call me Barnacle Bill.”
“You’ve raised me mizzen mast!”
“Ever wanted to be a cabin boy?”
“Wanna see what’s in Davy Jones’ Locker?”
“I’d like to bury me booty in yer sea chest”
“Want ta help me bury me treasure?”
“Me cannon’s primed and loaded.”
“My name is Bill, and I really like your product…”
“Wanna be me first mate?”
“Come aboard and see me figurehead.”
“I’ll give ya thirty lashings!”
“ARR!!”
the story of an Aussie girl living in Japan, who loves travel, hiking, walking, flowers and food.
yamaonna 
ahaha!! there’s so many laughable lines in there 🙂 thanks!
glad someone got a giggle out of it!